My story of arrival

Gnosis, to me, means an experience of knowing something through the intuitive wisdom of the body rather than solely from a mental understanding.

What I gnow (a gnosis knowing) is that I am ready to fully express this next highest version of myself.

What I gnow is that I have walked my path for a reason, that I have something to share that will be a reflection of somebody’s else’s waiting-to-be-birthed next highest version of themselves.

So here is my story, decades in the making.

I grew up feeling different, feeling like I landed in a hostile alien world. Somehow I look the same as those around me, yet I feel completely different. I felt love in surroundings where the felt sense of love was sparse. I felt humanity - the simple, pure aspects of being alive in a human body - where the felt sense of humanity was sparse. I went many years without having words to these feelings, but I always gnew I wanted to get away…and that the possibility of getting away, no matter how distant and unimaginable it seemed, existed. I believed there was another way, somehow, somewhere. 

My life really began to transform into this unimaginable potentiality in 2019. I was hit hard by life…by my Soul trying to emerge into embodiment in deeper ways than she’d been able to before. In the same week, my partner ended our relationship, my job came to an end, and my car was crashed into - leaving it totaled. I had been curiously exploring my spirituality - myself as a spiritual being embodied into form - loosely and intermittently since 2014. This trifecta of difficulties happening at the same time was a breakthrough moment where I could really step back from the story of what was playing out and get curious as to what the universe, Spirit or God was trying to tell me. It was too obvious, and I was eager enough to see the possibility in the unfolding rather than be the victim to it.

This storyline led me to two major choices. 1) choosing to listen to the call within me to let go of working jobs that required me to be primarily in my mental/masculine energy and instead follow the calling to find work that allowed me to be in my feminine/creative energy. And 2) working with a shamanic practitioner. I hardly saw myself as a creative person, especially not one creative enough to have a job that paid me to be creative. My mind could not imagine how this burgeoning choice would manifest in physical reality, but my intuition was so strong. It was telling me I could not waste my life-force energy ignoring the creative impulse within me and that, somehow, a different reality could emerge if I committed to the allowance of it emerging rather than filling up my physical reality with what I had always done and could see was possible. My mind also had no idea what it meant to work with a shamanic practitioner, what I was getting myself into, but I gnew that I was holding baggage emotionally & mentally & energetically that I was ready to let go of. My intuition, or body wisdom, gnew that it was time to experience this completely new pathway even though my mind couldn’t make sense of it.

This was about a 6-month process of undoing, releasing, and leaving the space for my eventual becoming. Tests arose, challenging me to believe I was worth more than the story my childhood and society had told me, challenging me to believe that I could choose more for myself in order to experience a reality that was closer to the love and humanity I had felt as a child, but had not seen reflected back to me. I took up space in the settlement process of my totaled car in a way I hadn’t thought I was equipped to do, which is what created the financial abundance for me to work with this shamanic practitioner. I went through an interview process for a job identical to what I had done in the past, offering me more money than I’d ever made, and I followed my deep intuition/felt body sense to turn it down because it would continue stifling my creativity. And I held out, down to the final week I had with enough money to survive, trusting that something greater, more Soul-aligned would appear. 

And guess what, it did. I ended up being hired for a fully creative job that paid me more money than I’d ever made, doing what I absolutely loved at that time. 

After 6 months of putting aside the storyline of who Cheyenne was and what her life was capable of looking like, of moving through waves of fear, waves of expansion, and meeting the opportunity again and again to trust this force within me calling me for a life lived with more love and creativity - I was living a life more satisfying than I ever believed possible. I was working less, making more money, and doing something that absolutely nourished me. This satisfaction, this nourishment, was not surface level. It’s not the kind of satisfaction like eating an ice cream that passes almost instantaneously. It’s a nourishment that you feel deep in your gut that reverberates in your whole being and radiates out to others…it’s Soul nourishment that has a spark that illuminates the sparks in other beings. It’s the result of the essence of your Soul self manifesting in its unique form in 3D reality - because we are each fractals of God Consciousness/Spirit brought down in Divinely unique forms as we manifest into physical reality.

Watching the impact I have on others when I am aligned with this full Soul expression, watching my Soul spark spark the Soul sparks in others and bring them more love, more expansion, and more of a sense of co-creation with Spirit/Life, has brought on the embodied realization that this is our purpose. We are meant to fully come down and in to our unique Soul expressions, to fully embody our fractal of God Consciousness, to play the roles we came to play in each of our lifetimes in order to ultimately serve humanity moving towards its innate essence and experience of Love. We come to intimately gnow our Soul selves - a deeply personal experience - as an act of service to the Divine play unfolding through humanity. If you are mired in either side of pride - hollow, self-aggrandizing, egoic “self-worth” or, the other side, which is feeling deeply unworthy - you cannot realize yourself as the Creator in form. So far, my experience of experimenting the realization of myself as Creator in form comes through a dance between surrendering and taking empowered action. This balances seems to work in naturally preventing the extremes of an egoic, hollow sense of “empowerment” and the other side of having a disabled sense of will through lack of self-love/belief.

This 6-month experience was my first conscious glimpse into the experience of being Creator in form. It was incredibly simple at it’s core - saying no to things that did not resonate with my inner knowing while saying yes to things that did, and it was incredibly difficult - meeting my unconscious/shadows i.e. fears, limiting beliefs, uncomfortable growth edges, going into past experiences to process the stagnated energy there, as well as (and perhaps the most difficult of all) trusting. 

The wild thing is, that was just the beginning. As I’ve learned in this journey, we are consistently going through spiralic levels of expansion. That experience 5 years ago was truly an experience of embodying my Soul’s highest expression. The catch is, it was my Soul’s highest expression in that moment. That was the level of expansion available to me at that period in my life, and it was blissful and powerful. It would only be 3 months after that climax of embodying the next level of my Soul’s highest expression before the next expansion would appear at my doorstep.

I gnew I was ready to leave the city, and I got the opportunity to live on a family farm with my partner as we had reconnected and rekindled our relationship. I had many doubts, knowing there were many uncertainties and little guarantees, but my Soul whispered in my ear, “this is the next step on your journey closer to me. Trust it.” It was the next level of walking into the unknown, of trusting where my mind could not make sense of all the details. Yet after experiencing the incredibly profound experience of connection with Love, Life, Spirit & my deep Self from the journey I had just walked, I couldn’t say no. That lived experience had already permeated all the cells in my body and penetrated through old beliefs of fear. Through this new choice asking to be made, I realized I had already chosen to continue following the path of my heart/intuition/body wisdom/Soul.

I ended up living on the farm for one year, and it was a truly healing, deep, life-changing experience. Notice that I didn’t say easy. What I gnow now is that my Soul needed to be intimately connected to the land, elements, and cycles of nature at that time. It needed to travel into unconscious places of codependence, of conditioned perspectives, and to the places in me that were still afraid to connect with Divinity. By saying no once again to things that did not feel resonate with my Soul (the busyness and distractions of the city, the disconnection from nature, old expectations & roles of self-worth based on work) and saying yes to the things that did (attempting an intimate and spiritually-connected relationship, being relatively isolated and immersed in nature, allowing ample space for my own inspiration & values to emerge and determine my life), the next period of undoing, releasing, and leaving the space for my eventual becoming was activated. 

This year ended in a completely unexpected, perspective-altering, ego-death experience. I had been planning to move to Oregon with my partner, and when this cycle came to its climax, it was a lot less blissful than the climax of my previous cycle into Soul embodiment. I was utterly devastated, multi-dimensional and lifetimes worth of trauma activated, feeling like I had no solid ground to stand on. It was profound in every sense - profoundly unsettling and profoundly awakening. It was an incomprehensible invitation to trust in Spirit when everything in my physical reality and current mental perspective felt upended and disastrous. During that year, I had discovered working with Goddess energy, shakti energy, and the various archetypal expressions of this energy. When my life upended itself…I gnew I had been warned: working with her energy is a direct path, cutting through ego/small self/limiting conditioning, creating chaos in order for you to embody your fullest potential. I gnew on some level I had asked for this. 

So I took responsibility for the part of me that called in this level of Truth and awakening, and I made the only choice I knew I could: Trust. I surrendered my life to the Goddess. Everyday for the next year I would pray to the Goddess and say, “I surrender this day to you as I surrender my life to you.” It was clear that I had taken empowered action when I felt the Divine calling me to (saying yes to the Soul whisper to trust moving to the farm), and it was clear that now it was time to fully surrender to the Divine for it was completely rewiring me and my life.

Instead of going into old responses of getting settled into a new job and a new house, I answered the call that asked me to migrate to different places and to spend most of my time in nature. For the first time in my life, I went deep into the woods for weeks by myself. I learned how to set up a tent, how to start a fire by myself on one of my first nights, and I faced deep programmed fears of being in danger. And in this next level of space that had been created - moving from city, to farm, to migrating in nature - I witnessed deeper and deeper layers of my unconscious emerging. Deep fears pulsating through my body like I was standing in front of a hungry lion. Fears that felt ancient…from countless lifetimes, from countless generations before me, and from a collective unconscious that has been bathing in fear for far too long. Once again, it was an incredibly healing, deep, life-changing experience that was not easy. 

In all of these journeys deeper into Soul embodiment, there were moments of profound bliss - experiences filled with wonder, awe, connection with divinity, creation energy, and possibility - and they were happening amidst experiences of deep emotional and energetic purging. I began to realize that this is just how life works…in the society I had been raised in, the programming was that life should pretty much be a flat line of consistency and minimal sensation. I was learning that life is bliss and life is painful and that actually underneath the two, is pure Love, always. The pain was only ever making way for more Love - always. 

I would be in this third period of undoing, releasing, and leaving the space for my eventual becoming for a year. However, being in this cycle a third time, it was becoming more clear to me…my consciousness awakening to deeper and more expansive Truths and possibilities. This time, I was awaken back into my ability to divine with the Spirit realm in a way I had never even considered. An ancient fear blocking me from this level of connection with Divinity was transmuted into deep Trust in the Spirit realm and with my own higher Self.

This newly re-wired connection between my human self and mind, with my higher Self and Divine mind, and the energies of the Spirit realm moved me directly and swiftly into the eye of the needle…the next embodiment of my Soul’s highest expression. 

My body wisdom/intuition led me to the gnowing that I would not be settling in the United States, that my search there for a Spiritually-awakened and embodied community to settle with and call home was over. It led me to the gnowing that I needed to go somewhere I had given very little thought to travel to. It led me to the gnowing that I needed to go back to my storage unit near the farm and sell everything, that I needed to sell my car, and I needed to buy the plane ticket with a completely open view on my journey - having no idea what I was supposed to do there or why I was going. This would have been challenging enough without the fact that I was running very low on money, but then I also had the very clear intuition to sign up for a shamanic training course with my teacher of the last several years, Liv Mokai Wheeler. This course would have taken the last of my money. Deeper and deeper initiations into trust…and it was well worth it because Spirit beautifully orchestrated everything happening in perfect timing - the car sale and garage sale from my storage unit giving me enough money to buy the plane ticket and survive for some months in the magical, mystical lands of the Peruvian Andes while I was signed up for this shamanic training course. I couldn’t believe where Life/Spirit/Soul was taking me…I had to pinch my arm to believe life could feel this magical and this intense…living on the razor’s edge to settle for nothing less than Soul-level satisfaction.

I would spend the next 5 months in the cave, as I call it. I came to these powerful lands where the veil between the 3D realm and the Spirit realm feels so thin, deep in my shamanic training course. I was activating in my awareness of and embodiment of myself as a spiritual being embodied in physical form on deeper and deeper levels. My whole reality was shifting. In these cave days, I meditated deeply every morning, waking before the sunrise to gaze at the stars and then greeting the sun when I came out of meditation. I was honing my ability to receive guidance from the benevolent energies I was working with, and most importantly, I was communing with my Soul. 

My Soul was showing me through vision, feeling, and that deep gnowing, ever clearer, that her next highest expression was what I had been moving towards in each of these cycles. She showed me it was a 4-part web of interconnected reality. 1st, my direct connection to the Divine/the Spirit realm. 2nd, intimate partnership that was based on this individual and mutual connection to the Divine/Spirit realm. 3rd, creating family from this intimate, sacred partnership to bring to life a family that is directly connected to the Divine/Spirit realm. And 4th, community based on this direct connection. It was all there woven in the web of creation for my Soul expression. No one more important than the other - all essential as aspects creating this interconnected life mirroring the wisdom in nature and the cosmos.

I gnew this life was as real as the body I was inhabiting and the spiritual energies I was communing with. This life was still in the imaginal realms, not yet trickled down into manifestation, and yet it was no less real. I knew not when or how it would happen, I knew not the details of each element, but I knew it was real, and I was attuning my awareness to it every single day amidst moving through the daily mundane experience of being alive in a human body - an extra tricky endeavor when you have relocated to a new country with a completely different language and culture. 

I was marveling in this experience of living on the razor’s edge - completely awe-stricken and meeting new growth edges all the time. It was in this chapter that I was called to step into my Soul expression as a healer, spiritual guide, space-holder - it was time for empowered action. I was called to do this in the container of astrology (a study I had deepened solely for myself for 6 years) and working 1:1 with people’s astrological birth charts and their unique intentions. This is when the true wording for my Soul expression came through: Soul Tender & Embodiment Midwife, or Soul Midwife. 

A year after being in Peru, after going to zero in my bank account twice and being guided on how to work with creation energy as co-creator rather than buying into the scarcity narrative ( I began once again making more money than I had ever made doing something that was even more aligned with my Soul than the previous experience was), the next cycle emerged. This interconnected life from the imagined realms began to manifest. I met a deep Soul Sister with an incredible and deeply resonant vision for creating community here in the Sacred Valley in a more intentional and integrated way than was being done. And then I met my beloved, who revered my journey of coming back into awareness and embodiment of direct connection with Divinity and fully supported me continuing to actualize my Soul expression. Less than a year later, the three of us would birth the 2nd chapter of our Soul’s Sister’s vision for community, SolSeed, where it is now a central hub for our little festival town, Pisac, Sacred Valley, Peru. 

It still brings me to awe every time I reflect on it all, even as I sit here living it, embodying it. This last chapter of the interconnected life manifesting from the imaginal realms was once again profoundly blissful and unimaginably challenging. I was pulled the farthest away from my awareness of and embodiment of myself as Divinity in form by traveling through more layers of painful, karmic, ancestral, and collective programming loops. This, while I had forgotten many times while in the depths of it, has been the next greatest invitation into embodying my full Soul expression. These painful places once again arising only to make way for more Love. By meeting these places residing within me, I was given the choice to allow them to reside there as they have been or to alchemize them into greater trust, greater self-responsibility, and therefore, greater self-knowing or embodiment. 

I sit here in my next greatest Soul expression ready to embody my gnown purpose to support others’ in feeling their own Soul Sparks - in beginning their conscious journeys towards living a life that was always meant to be incredibly sensational and utterly filled with Divine Grace. 

Whether you also felt the difference I did as a child or you are just starting to feel it now, it is my Soul purpose to affirm that spark of aliveness, that spark of love you feel within you is real. It is more real than this culture/reality/society we’ve been programmed with. It is a gift and a responsibility to listen to that spark of possibility within you and follow where it leads, and it’s all in service to all of Life.